I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
