My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
