I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
