i just wanna soil my oats bro
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she peed on how many people?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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