i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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