She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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