i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it because I queefed?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
