mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
