im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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