You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
