remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Boobs are out for the taking
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
