i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
this is an emotional support booty call
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
