i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
