i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize