wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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