i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
