Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
