can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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