In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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