Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize