i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
