He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
