A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
