Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize