I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Randomize
