Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
