What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
