I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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