just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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