Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
