Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
50% drunk capacity currently
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize