you guys were way drunker than both of me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
