Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
