the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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