You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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