So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
