But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize