life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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