bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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