I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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