So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
