He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
