guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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