My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
