yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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