I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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