She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize