Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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