'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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