so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
