He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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