She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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