Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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