You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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