apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
