Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
bring money and cleavage
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
