Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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