Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
