I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm passing your future prison.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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