I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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