Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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