I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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