i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
