Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
