eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
