I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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