I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
