Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
