she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize