dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
