My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
