Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
