If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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