you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
