Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
