i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
