Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
