i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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