Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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