i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
