my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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