Too much gin, very little bucket
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
