i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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