Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
