Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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