It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
